I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
handjob tips. give me some.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
