Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
