God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
