and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just pee around me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
