Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
