Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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