Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
be right there i have to get my cape
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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