I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
