your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
