Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
