the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
