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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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