used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
