I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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