the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
