wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
