we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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