U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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