I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
