I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
