He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
