i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
