I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
