Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
another moral hangover. fuck.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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