Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
