Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
