last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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