speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
