You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
