Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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