Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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