my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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