Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
