In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
