Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
