Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
