I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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