your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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