Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
