im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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