you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
