Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just invented taco cereal.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
