Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
