no, he came in my armpit
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
