Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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