margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
