Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
