I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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