Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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