just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
