The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
