Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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